Prescient Forebears & groundbreaking texts

• prescient: having or showing knowledge of events before they take place
• formation of the field, designers that forged key ideas, thought leaders that influenced the world of contemporary design

Norman Bel Geddes
-industrial/stage designer

-how will design in future differ from design in past?

-futurist
-saw beauty in functionality
-used notion of industrial design & art in the same sentence

book: Horizons
saw a new horizon/age in all diff. types of designs
1932- throes of depression

designed general motors pavilion at 1939 world's fair
stage about car culture

industrial designs:

patriot radio

1939 taxi cab for the future
3 wheels, sideways opening door, windows for views

Herbert Read

-prominent critic
-book: art and industry (1934): juxtaposing art & industry in same sentence; arguments for unadorned, functional products
-industrial design = works of art w utilitarian function

• both read & bel geddes envisioning new horizon for industrial design

Sheldon & Martha Cheney

-explored aesthetic appeal of streamlined industrial shapes & design
-industrial design= artists' contribution to mass production

book- art and the machine: an account of industrial design in 20th century america
historiography

• Cheneys evoked Philip Johnson's exhibition at MoMA titled "Machine art":

unprecedented
402 industrialized massed produced objects, in museum setting
considered them objects of art
beauty in design & choice of material, in machine aesthetic

• josef albers did the photography:

scientific glass for labs

• ergonomics: human product interaction; the study of people's efficiency in their working environment ex. kitchen products w handles such as can openers

Henry Dreyfuss
-pioneered field of ergonomics
-"if people are made safer, more comfortable...or just plain happier by contact w the product then the designer has succeeded"

book: designing for people
spearheaded ergonomics

-standardized human body to understand roughly how he should create his products to be helpful & comfortable for people

-tough sell to standardize humanity but he was trying to design something where ergonomics came into play; ex. how big, high, far should a desk be?

-his products on diff scales:

 1930s
completely innovative
investigation in ergonomics made him realize earpiece & voice piece should be the same

-designs by him based on ergonomics:

• designer as experimenter, futurist, forward thinker

Buckminster Fuller

-author, designer, inventor, futurist
-idea that design could benefit humanity

-low point in life --> took stock --> went to figure out what a single individual could do that would benefit humanity --> popularized geodesic dome

sustain weight, stable, provided inexpensive lattice structure
(ex. for military, homeless, etc.)
contributed to marine barracks

-interested in structures in nature (ex. beehives, cocoons) --> starting point for mathematical explorations

-interest in energy efficient structures, inexpensive prefabricated buildings assembled offsite & airlifted to a location
-dymaxium car: streamlining & (fuel) efficiency; 3 wheels for tighter turning radius, 11 seater

-interest in solar & wind energy in 1930s

Rachel Carson

-designer, scientist, marine biologist; huge impact on contemporary design
-considered to spearhead modern environmental movement; sustainability

-famous for campaigning for elimination of DET (killed insects but led to cancer) 

-alerted people to dangers of synthetic pesticides on wildlife & humanity

-called to white house by JFK, he started investigation about it --> regulation of chemical pesticides

-she started in 1960s but not until 1970s did the US establish EPA

book- silent spring (1962)

Victor Papanek

-"the only important thing about design is how it relates to people"
-interested in environment, design, not creating environmental noise, democratization of design

-concern: designer & accountability

-"there are professions more harmful than industrial design but only very few of them"

-calling designer to task for putting so much into the environment (ex. car design), for responsible design
-ultimate job of design is to transform man's environment & tools & in extension, change man himself

-against how we are held hostage by design

-foreshadows contemporary designers who question consumers' wants & needs

-book- design for the real world (1970): couldn't get american publisher at first so first published in sweden; starts the rant right on the cover

-intention of book was a call to task for those who design autos which may be unsafe, creation of landfills, etc.

concerned about inflated ideas in design

Reading: Clement Greenberg- Post Painterly Abstraction

malerisch:

-german word used by Heinrich Wölfflin

-translated as "painterly" to talk about the "formal qualities of Baroque art"

-painterly: "blurred, broken, loose definition of color and contour"

-linear: the opposite of painterly (clear, sharp)

• these terms help us "notice all sorts of continuities  and significant differences, in the art of the present as well as of the past"
• many artists combine elements of both

Abstract art:

-born amid the painterliness of Analytical Cubism, Leger, Delaunay, and Kandinsky thirty years earlier, but there are all kinds of painterliness"

-1920s & 1930s: abstract art identified by "flat silhouettes and firm contours" (Synthetic Cubism, Mondrian, Bauhaus, Miro)

-"neatly drawn and smoothly painted...clean outlines and flat, clear colors"

• abstract art --> abstract expressionism seemed "form, all order, all discipline, had been cast off"

Abstract Expressionism:

-abstract & painterly

-"flurry strokes, blotches, trickles of paint"

-a.k.a. "informel" and "action painting"

-derived from Cubism

"Tenth Street Touch" (spread in 1950s)
-"stroke left by a loaded brush or knife frays out, when the stroke is long enough, into streaks, ripples, and specks of paint"

-creates "variations of light and dark by means of which juxtaposed strokes can be graded into one another without abrupt contrasts"

-"automatic solution for one of the crucial technical problems of abstract painting: that of asserting the continuity of the picture plane when working more or less 'in the flat'"

-not necessarily bad but it was negative in its "its standardization, its reduction to a set of mannerisms"

Artists in Exhibition:
-John Ferren: retains "Tenth Street touch," but boxes it "within a large framing area" --> new expressiveness from it
-Sam Francis: "liquefying touch"; "closed and solidly filled paintings of the early 1950's that touch somehow conveys light and air"
-Helen Frankenthaler: "soakings and blottings of paint...open...the picture, and would do so even without the openness of her layout"
-Arthur McKay: "heavily inlaid surfaces relate to Painterly Abstraction in France, but the linear clarity, and plainness, of his design fend off what might be oppressive associations"

-lucidity of color, "stress contrasts of pure hue rather than contrasts of light and dark"

• "clarity and openness...are relative qualities of art...belong to the physical aspects of painting"
• reaction against Abstract expressionism: pop art

Review of 20th century Modernism

• modernism: mid 19th cent. up until 1950s-1960s

The judgement of paris
Marcantonio Raimondi (after Raphael)
1510-20
paris- stole helen & instigated trojan war
paris sitting in judgement at left,
handing golden apple to whoever is the most beautiful in the world
(athena, hera, aphrodite)

^parallel to edouard manet's luncheon in the grass; reinterpreting poses from judgement of paris
-extremely unacademic, acknowledging the flat surface

le dejeuner sur l'herbe (luncheon on the grass)- manet

1863

modernist medium specificity

deliberately problematic/unresolved

putting figures together of relations of non-relations

woman in back is too large for her position, closeness of hands

flatness to woman's flesh, blindingly white

brushstrokes not well integrated

sketchiness in landscape

shatters sense of separateness

weird bc naked woman isn't allegorical, just an every day woman

shown in the salon of the refused

sabotaged harmonizing values & clear unambiguous hierarchies

of classical renaissance order

olympia- manet
1863
prostitute- outcast
stark flatness, blinding white highlighted by black outlines
lack of subtley
almost no chiascurro
flatness relates to print culture/illustration
cat at her feet instead of usual dog
flower in her hair = erotic
ribbon around her neck = presenting her body as a gift
african attendant = racist critiques
suggests she is a courtesan (escort, high class) -->
offensive to salon viewer; disguises class difference from clients,
pretending to be part of a higher class
unsubmissive & particular gaze

-very direct stare, feels as if she is looking at you (individually); stiffer figure; intentionally flat

-used preordained, established themes & putting his own touches on them but still appears to be a stark break w tradition, highlighting the choices that he gets to make

-idiosyncratic approach 

COMPARED TO:

venus of urbino- titian
1538

-softer; different gaze; feels as if you are allowed to look

• Manet opens up a doorway for impressionist painting

Impressionism
-starting to focus on brushstrokes & mark-making; materiality

-breaking picture plane, acknowledging flatness 

-en plein air

impression: sunrise- claude monet

1872, oil on canvas

en plein air, no preliminary sketch

short brushstrokes of pure color

smallness is emblematic of impressionist movement
absence of contour line & chiascurro
all light & darks given colors
apparent brushwork
no lines & delineation of perspective

Post-Modernism

mahana no atua (day of the gods)- gauguin
1894
bottom register colorful & abstract
tertiary colors
mysterious, allegory?
hidden narrative
arbitrary & symbolic colors

the large bathers- cezanne
1906
not well rendered, proportions are off, one plane
unfinished, a lot of bare canvas showing through
a lot of blue
nude women by body of water
trees form triangle, pyramid composition
framing tells you what to look at, move focus
figures are part of frame but there's not much being framed in middle
highlighting geometry inherent to the canvas = flatten canvas more
not much attempt at atmospheric perspective
blue of the water invades figures & goes into the sky
proto-cubist composition, shifting perspectives

makes you think about figure painting, where the figure isn't important

• Greenberg's take on modernism: each material reflecting its true essence; painting as most true/perfect artwork

composition VII- kandinsky 1913
spiritual & musical interests to create non-objective, abstract art
pure line, pure color
attach symbolic meaning to colors & specific forms
borrows language of music

categorizing color:

-local

-perceptual

-arbitrary

-symbolic

composition w large red plane, yellow, black, grey, & blue- mondrian 1921
balance
prevents evocation of depth
reduced palette: primary & neutral colors
irregularly organized grid
equilibrium
lose sense of spacial recession

-acknowledges what it is: flat, paint

Greenburg on avant-garde:

-first generation/point able to look backward & understand their place

-avant-garde coming from the rich, from the industrial, increase in education

-people/artists who recognize place in history & creating something that forces consideration & a different sort of viewing/literacy

-avant-garde: room for interpretation

-kitsch: trite reproduction, uncomplicated & unchallenging

Supremitism

black square- kazimir malevich 1915
becomes cracked/faded

arrive at monochrome, most simple

0 degree of culture

purely man-made form

modern art is crafted image

formalist bent (greenberg)

intellectual rigor marries w aesthetic appreciation through essential forms
no pretense of illusionism

-modernism's belief in progress, universality --> anyone can see it & understand it

0.10 exhibition in petrograd including kazimir malevich's black square 1915
historical context:
why is it hung in the upper corner?
(religous context) God said no representational images --> focus on geometry
debate in eastern orthodox religions about representational images
idea: not making a representation of something, it IS that something
ex. "that's not a painting of jesus, that IS jesus"
icons are hung in top corner in house

the fountain- duchamp 1917

"this is art bc i say it is so"

turned toilet on side, signed "r mutt"

seen as ugly, crude, lewd, lacked recognizable artistry
bc he didn't actually make the object himself
work HAD to be submitted but they hated it
submitted into exhibition that he's on the committee of
to test limits & power/taste of institution

full fathom five- pollock, 1947
removed tool that separates him from the paint-
removed brush & puts paint on canvas, working from floor
the paint is just paint; referred to for materiality
anyone can understand it bc it is what it is
big step forward in avant-garde

lavender mist (number 1)- jackson pollock, 1950

1950, oil, enamel, aluminum paint on canvas

pure abstraction

emphasizes creative process

rhythmic drips, splatters, dribbles of paint

gestural abstraction

87x118- moving towards mural size scale, stand in front
can't really see the edges, can't consume it all at once
"all over" painting

chief- franz kline
oil on canvas, 1950
paint then projection- blow up smaller painting
a painting of a painting

black reflection- franz kline
1956
oil and pasted paper on paper
greenberg sees this as genuine & honest but the style being copied after as not

july 4th- willem de kooning

• Greenberg: sees manet as beginning

-this is how we got where we are

-it's not kitsch, can't be manipulated by tyrant

-avant garde painting makes us think & reaffirm ourselves as individuals

-flattening painting, acknowledging that it's paint on a canvas

SHIFT IN MODERNISM: focus on the relationship of the art to us as viewers
(made separately/diff locations but similar bc of flatness & references to figures, focus on picture/glass plane):

the large bathers- cezanne
88x99 inches
1898-1905
not well rendered, proportions are off, one plane
unfinished, a lot of bare canvas showing through
a lot of blue
nude women by body of water
trees form triangle, pyramid composition
framing tells you what to look at, move focus
figures are part of frame but there's not much being framed in middle
highlighting geometry inherent to the canvas = flatten canvas more
not much attempt at atmospheric perspective
blue of the water invades figures & goes into the sky
proto-cubist composition, shifting perspectives

makes you think about figure painting, where the figure isn't important

the bride stripped bare by her bachelors, even- duchamp 1915-1923
cracks on the way to an exhibition
oil, varnish lead wire and dust on two glass panes 109x69
he thinks of it as figure painting (bride, other people)
chocolate grinder (rounder object) = bachelors
bride at top
goes against removing references/content & has complicated objects representing references

• has other work called bachelor grinds his own chocolate (masturbates)

wedge of chastity- duchamp
1956/63, bronze & dental plastic
gift to wife when they got married, consumed by an individual only (wife)
evocative, dental plastic reminds you of the body

• made other sexual objects called objects of desire

etant donnes- duchamp 1946-1966
donated to museum, tucked in corner
doorway leading into a room, look through door
you're looking through the holes but other people are looking at you looking into the holes
becoming extremely aware of not only looking but of people looking at us looking
art = relationship of maker, object, viewer; this put to emphasis on the viewer

WHAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SIDE OF DOOR:

see a weird diorama w a nude body (cast figure), lantern, waterfall
cadaver(?), can't see a head, waterfall lets you know that things are moving in time

Reading: Walter Benjamin's The Work Of Art In The Age Of Mechanical Reproduction

• "'innovations to transform the entire technique of the arts'"
• "with the woodcut graphic art became mechanically reproducible"
• etching & engraving --> lithography --> photography
• "reproduction of a work of art is lacking in one element: its presence in time and space, its unique existence at the place where it happens to be"
• aura: "unique phenomenon of a distance"

-"urge grows stronger to get hold of an object at very close range by way of its likeness, its reproduction"

-"uniqueness of a work of art is inseparable from its being imbedded in the fabric of tradition"

-"existence of the work of art with reference to its aura is never entirely separated

from its ritual function"

-"value of the 'authentic' work of art has its basis in ritual, the location of its original use value"

• formation of the idea of "pure art": "denied any social function of art" & "any categorizing by subject matter"
• cult value VS. exhibition value

-something made for the spirits & less for others to see; in the present: remain hidden

-"work of art in prehistoric times...instrument of magic... later... to be recognized as a work of art"

-today, "emphasis on its exhibition value...art becomes a creation with entirely new functions"

-"in photography, exhibition value begins to displace cult value"

-cult value "retires into...human countenance" (portrait photography)

• human countenance: human behavior
• "age of mechanical reproduction separated art from its basis in cult"

Film:

-in person, actors can adjust performances according to audience
-on camera, the cameraman controls the angles & what we see

-we become a critic bc we simply are watching & cannot interact
-on film, the actor loses his aura bc aura is tied to his presence & he is not in front of you

-cult of the movie star, fostered by the money of the film industry, preserves not the unique aura of the person but the “spell of the personality... the phone spell of a commodity"

-"with the close-up, space expands; with slow motion, movement is extended"

-"camera intervenes with the resources of its lowerings and liftings, its interruptions and isolations, its extensions and accelerations, its enlargements and reductions"

-"camera introduces us to unconscious optics as does psychoanalysis to unconscious impulses"
-scenes keep changing unlike paintings that stay the same & give you time to think about them. w scenes constantly changing, you already see what's going to happen next

-Duhamel: movies are a "pasttime for helots, a diversion for uneducated...spectable which requires no concentration and presupposes no intelligence... awakens no hope other than the ridiculous one of someday becoming a 'star' in Los Angeles"

-"putting the public in the position of the critic"

-"movies...requires no attention"

-"public is an examiner, but an absent-minded one"

• Extension of the press:"at any moment the reader is ready to turn into a writer"
• "mechanical reproduction of art changes the reaction of the masses"
• progressive reaction: "direct, intimate fusion of visual and emotional enjoyment with the orientation of the expert"
• crisis of painting: "no position to present an object for simultaneous collective experience"
• Psychopathology of Everyday Life: "made analyzable things which had heretofore floated along unnoticed in the broad stream of perception"

Dadaists:

-"attached much less importance to the sales value of their work than to its usefulness for contemplative immersion"

-"intended and achieved... relentless destruction of the aura of their creations... branded as reproductions with the very means of production"

-"decline of middle-class society, contemplation became a school of asocial behavior; it was countered by distraction as a variant of social conduct"

-"outrage the public"

-"it the spectator like a bullet, it happened to him, thus acquiring a tactile quality"

Architecture:

-"human need for shelter is lasting"

-"buildings are appropriated in a twofold manner: by use and by perception- or rather, by touch and sight"
____________________________
Class discussion:
-Benjamin died young & in Europe w untranslated texts so not until more recently read
-inauthentic relationship to see art on a screen or not in person, Benjamin finds that liberating; his understanding of a piece is just as valid as the original artists' understanding
-agency is lost but we're a shifting world; not universal, dependent on what time we look things at
-things visible to us that aren't to people back then
-Greenberg, however, believes in the universal
-every act of civilization is an act of barbarism; to include, there must be an exclusion

Reading: Clement Greenberg's Avant-Garde and Kitsch

• "in the past... really important issues are left untouched because they involve controversy"

Avant-garde culture: 
-"appearance of a new kind of criticism of society, a historical criticism"
-coincided with the "development of scientific revolutionary thought of Europe"
-"emigration from bourgeois society to bohemia meant also an emigration from the markets of capitalism"
-function was "not to 'experiment,' but to find a path along which it would be possible to keep culture moving in the midst of ideological confusion and violence"
-"arrived at 'abstract' or 'nonobjective' art" bc of search of the absolute
-"imitate God by creating something valid solely on its own terms"

• "'art for art's sake' and 'pure poetry' appear, and subject matter or content becomes something to be avoided like a plague"
• turning "attention away from subject matter of common experience...turns it in upon the medium of his own craft"
• "cannot be arbitrary and accidental, but must stem from obedience to some worthy constraint or original"
• "excitement of [Picasso, Braque, Mondrian, Miro, etc.] art seem to lie most of all in its pure preoccupation with the invention and arrangement of spaces, surfaces, shapes, colors, etc."
• "expression mattering more than what is being expressed"
• "no culture can develop without a... stable source of income... provided by an elite among the ruling class of that society from which it assumed itself to be cut off"
• "academicism and commercialism are appearing" --> avant-garde: "unsure of the audience it depends on" (rich & cultivated)

Kitsch:

-"popular, commercial art and literature with their chromeotypes, magazine covers, illustrations, ads, slick and pulp fiction, comics, Tin Pan Alley music, tap dancing, Hollywood movies, etc.

-"a product of the industrial revolution which urbanized the masses of Western Europe and America and established what is called universal literacy"

-"destined for those who, insensible to the values of genuine culture, are hungry nevertheless for the diversion that only culture of some sort can provide"

-"vicarious experience and faked sensations"

-can be "turned out mechanically"

-"flowed out over the countryside, wiping out folk culture"

-"self-evident" & obvious meanings

-"culture of the masses"

• "proletariat and petty bourgeois learned to read and write for the sake of efficiency"
• "a pressure on society to provide them with a kind of culture fit for their own consumption."
• "artists will modify their work under the pressure of kitsch"
• "attitude of the masses both to the old and new art styles probably remains essentially dependent on the nature of the education afforded them by their respective states"

Repin (Kitsch) VS. Picasso

-peasant "suddenly discovers values in Repin's picture that seem far superior to the values he has been accustomed to find in icon art; and the unfamiliar"

-the "recognizable, the miraculous and the sympathetic... are not immediately or externally present in Picasso's painting... projected into it by the spectator"

-Repin: "'reflected' effect has already been included in the picture... predigests art for the spectator and spares him effort"

-"Repin, or kitsch, is synthetic art"

-"superior culture is one of the most artificial of all human creations, and the peasant finds no 'natural' urgency within himself that will drive him toward Picasso in spite of all difficulties"

• "minority of the powerful- and therefore cultivated" VS. "exploited and poor- and therefore ignorant. formal culture has always belonged to the first...the last have had to content themselves with folk or rudimentary culture" (kitsch)
• subject matter "prescribed by those who commissioned works of art" --> "content was determined in advance... artist was free to concentrate on his medium" & "relieved of the necessity to be original and inventive... devote all his energy to formal problems"

Regarding Socialism/Facism

-totalitarians will "flatter the masses by bringing all culture down to their level"

-"from the point of view of fascists and Stalinists...[avant-garde] is too difficult to inject effective propaganda into"

-"more useful to...please the cultural tastes of the...masses"
________________________________
Class discussion:

• first generation/point able to look backward & understand their place
• people/artists who recognize place in history & creating something that forces consideration & a different sort of viewing/literacy
• avant-garde coming from the rich, from the industrial, increase in education
• avant-garde: room for interpretation
• kitsch: trite reproduction, uncomplicated & unchallenging
• written in 1930s: he was jewish & it was the time around holocaust
• Greenburg saying that kitsch could be used to manipulate the masses; power in the imagery
• folk art (local traditions) drowned out by kitsch (global economy) --> everything the same

Introduction to Contemporary Painting

What is art history?

• history is how we retell & relate events

-there are no continuities/discontinuities in events (A-->B-->C)
-we order & prioritize the events relative to our present
-things in retrospect become clearer to us

• the tools/technology available changes us as people & artists

The questions to ask when looking at art work:

Who made it?

-anonymous creator/unknown, guild, an individual

Who was the intended audience?

-a deity, congregation (a group acting as one body), an individual

How was it displayed or used?

-religious, decorative

-location: salon (salon hanging: paintings end at their frame, up against each other)

                white cube logic (justified line, adequate space around paintings)

How do we know if it is art?

-we call it art, so it's art

-the decision is coming from present us looking at it & recognizing the story/narrative

-we're projecting criteria on it

-interaction between artist, object, & viewer

• allegory: taking story from a different time & applying it to present day

i hang dream catchers in my room, hoping to keep the nightmares at bay
i hang dream catchers in my room, hoping they'd catch you
i hang dream catchers in my room, but they just hang there

we don't talk about anything meaningful
but every time we talk feels pretty meaningful to me

i almost forgot to write but the reminder randomly popped into my head the way you always do
maybe it’s the darkness in my room or the sound of the rain but i wish you would talk to me
i hate the rain & maybe it’s bc it makes me miss you

at an artist talk i went to, 

the artist said that as he grew older, color mattered less & less
but how could color ever not matter 

when that means i wouldn't be able to see the shades of browns in your eyes?
or the pink of those lips?
or the color of the week, whenever you dye your hair?
how could it not mean much when it means you wouldn't color my life the way you do?
when i wouldn't see the blush on your cheeks or tan of your skin?
i see purple, red, blue, green, orange, yellow, brown, black, & white
& every color in between when i look at you
you're the rainbow at the end of my day & if i couldn't see your colors

maybe art wouldn't mean as much to me

maybe i was a fool who didn't know what she was getting into
but maybe you could've been the one for me
what have i gotten myself into?

MORE writing (hopefully)

when i started a blog, i honestly thought that i was gonna write more. i love to write- kinda poems, prose, a couple of sentences here & there. i have notebooks that i used to just word vomit in, where i would just write literally anything that came to mind, especially when i was upset. & sometimes, in that mess of my mind, i would find a phrase or sentence that would seem especially brilliant

my notebooks are, generally, my eyes only. i've made one video on youtube that shared my writing (i have no clue if it was good or bad bc there wasn't really any feedback- who even watches my videos anyways?). i always wanted to write something profound, something universal, something amazing but the words have a way of alluding me

sometimes when my mind is a mess, i stop to breathe & grab a notebook. i just let my mind race, as it does, & spill it all out on paper. or i try very hard to concentrate on the moment- my senses, what i hear, what i see, the little details that i notice, the song that i'm listening to. it's very therapeutic sometimes

i've been writing everything down since forever. i've kept multiple diaries (all destroyed), multiple blogs (some have been deleted), & countless of words in my notebooks. despite not writing anything good, i'm still a writer. a person who writes. i just don't do it so often & so publicly. but why not? why don't i write more? why don't i share more? it only takes 2 seconds to write a sentence & post it

maybe that can be my thing for the year. write more. post it. it's not too late to start- "new year" is just an arbitrary human construct anyway. so i'm going to TRY to post a little bit of something. some kind of writing- a sentence, a phrase, what i'm noticing in the moment, etc.

i might not write every day but i hope i do. sometimes life takes over & i'm too busy to pause or i'm too lazy to write. but that's okay, as long as i'm trying, as long as i'm writing a bit more

Dec. 30- Jan. 5 | Week Vlog.

How Your Brain Falls In Love | Dawn Maslar | TEDxBocaRaton

an explanation of how men fall in love vs. how women fall in love. not the most exciting speaker but the content is interesting enough.

Dec. 23- Dec. 29 | Week Vlog.

december playlist

Pockiez- Awkwafina

Yellow Alert- Awkwafina ft. Dumbfoundead

Dirty Mind- Boy Epic

Magnified- Island Police

Out Of Love- Alessia Cara

Version Of Me- Sasha Sloan

La Vie En Rose- Cristin Milioti (HIMYM Soundtrack)

Be My Mistake- The 1975

Broken- Lovelytheband

The Funeral- Band Of Horses

On My Mind- Preditah, Jorja Smith

List Of People (To Try And Forget About)- Tame Impala

Come First- Terror Jr

I'll Be There- Jess Glynne

Sweet- Cigarettes After Sex

 Day 1- HONNE

My Vag- Awkwafina
Lost All Sense- The Queens

Dec. 16- Dec. 22 | Week Vlog.

sometimes i think too much- actually, make that ALL the time, i think too much. i'm never not thinking & through this nonstop process, sometimes i come to weird realizations. one of these realizations is about why i'm not normal

i know, i know, everyone thinks that they're not normal, or that they're "different," or whatever but hear me out- every movie ever tells a story about the weird kid that just wants to fit in so they try to do the same things that everyone else does to conform. but i want to fit in too (sometimes). so why don't i try to do the same things as everyone else?

after analyzing myself w my limited knowledge of psychology (1 semester of psych to be exact), here's what i've got: i'm too insecure to be "the same." you might be thinking, what is she talking about? well, you know how kids are always too insecure to be different so they try to be like everyone else? i'm the opposite. think of all of the stuff that i don't do- those stupid dances (like the fortnite one or whatever) or saying "big mad" & turning into one of those ukelele girls that post covers on twitter

i'm way too insecure about myself to even TRY to do those things. i always think that i'm going to look stupid or sound dumb so i never even attempt it. i'm too scared of the unknown, too afraid to do something that i've never done before. so while all the kids are out here looking dumb collectively, i'm over here looking different, singularly

my friends all are outgoing, silly, crazy, loud people. they will do the weird dances, in public, in front of everyone. i don't even try to do them in my room, alone. my friends will talk too much, make weird noises, laugh so loud, & i'm over here going "omg shush" instead of laughing w them. they're out here being dumb while they're still young enough to be dumb (though honestly, they'll probably be this way forever) while i'm being completely boring & never doing anything dumb

all my life, i've had to have it together- to be a good daughter, to take care of my siblings, to get good grades & be a role model, to do everything right so that i wouldn't get yelled at- that i never got the chance to make the small mistakes & do dumb things & learn. now i just feel behind, different, even dumb sometimes, bc i never had those experiences bc i was always afraid of failing, or of letting someone down. i was never enough & it made me insecure & basically ruined everything for me

being too afraid of doing anything made me so "straight-edge" & "shy" & whatever else i've been called. now when my friends do ridiculous things or say something weird, i just shake my head & laugh awkwardly. i don't know how to be like them, like the kids these days. while i was busy being "mature" & "smart," i missed out on being "silly" & "dumb"

i don't even know where i was going w this post but i just wanted to share that realization. i guess it got me thinking about how i never let go or do anything crazy, even if it's just something small that's probably not even really considered crazy. maybe it's something i should start trying to change- not being afraid to look stupid

i've been wanting to get into photography for a while now but so many of my friends are photographers & it makes me feel insecure about the photos i take. i'm a slow learner so i still can't figure out all of the settings on my camera & i get embarrassed in front of a lens but i never know how to pose someone else when i'm behind a camera. i only ever experiment w photo-taking when i'm alone taking photos of myself

i don't feel comfortable enough to have other people be my model but i also don't feel comfortable enough to do some of the things that i want to do. if my vision has nudity, i don't want to ask anyone else to model for it but i also don't feel secure & comfortable enough to be in it myself. sometimes this means i don't get to take the kind of photos that i have in mind which sucks but it is what it is

while looking through my box of facepainting supplies, i found some fake blood & figured i could use it some day. then one day, i had a photo idea but i didn't get around to taking the photos for a while bc of work & bc, honestly, i kept forgetting to bring the fake blood into the bathroom w me. but finally i remembered. it's hard to take photos of yourself w a DSLR where you can't see what you look like in front of the camera (unless you set up a mirror behind it on live view mode) & no tripod. but i recently got an iphone xr & i heard the camera was supposed to be a lot better so i tried to play around w the different lighting modes

i don't usually have a "meaning" or a huge deep concept behind some of my stuff other than "i thought it would be cool." usually, through the process of creating the work, a meaning forms after. these photos started w "i wanted to take photos w fake blood" but while trying different poses & re-taking photos, trying to figure out how i want to edit them & what would look good for each photo, i veered toward a darker (not literally bc the photos are pretty bright) idea

this one is my favorite out of the 4 photos i took

they turned into a representation of my fears/monsters/darkness. no specific thing but just the general, cloudy idea. i see my past experiences, my bad times, my dark places but i feel like anyone could look at these photos & see their own, different monsters, different darkness. sometimes i hate that people try to be so deep in art when some pieces don't mean anything more than the fact that the artist wanted to do it. but i love art where you look at it, & you feel something, like you can understand it

party | dodie

this song is literally how i feel when my friends invite me to things 

I (attempt to) DO DIANA'S MAKE-UP!

Dec. 2- Dec. 8 | Week Vlog.

november playlist

Raw- Sigrid

Nobody's Home- Gnash

Crush Culture- Conan Gray

Bad Time- Sabrina Carpenter

Feel Nothing- The Plot In You

Thank U, Next- Ariana Grande

Want You Back- HAIM

Stay- Post Malone

You & Jennifer- Bülow

Disarm You- Kaskade, Ilsey

Come Out And Play- Billie Eilish

Bring Me Flowers- Hope

First Time- Seven Lions, SLANDER

Man Down- Jeremy Zucker

Without Me- Halsey

Nov. 18- Nov. 24 | Week Vlog.

Women in Television | Ellen Pompeo, Gina Rodriguez, Gabrielle Union, Emma Roberts

VICTORIA DOES MY MAKE-UP

block review (ahhhh!)

what is block review, you may ask?

well lemme tell you all about it! basically, it's a portfolio review day where you find out if you officially get into the graphic design program or not. at the University of Houston, you've got to take Fundamentals of Graphic Design, Colors Materials + Methods, Introduction to Typography, & Intermediate Graphic Design before you can go up for Block. the assignments/projects that you do in those classes (& some other ones, should you choose to include them) are the ones that you put up for professors to see. sure, some of your professors have already seen your projects but all of the design professors are "judges" so some may not have seen your work before. also, you could have redone the work from previous semesters bc they weren't good enough to put up for Block

so when you take these classes & you feel ready (or it's just time), you sign up to go up for Block. then on a certain day, you come to campus w all these things that you need & your projects, & set it up in one of the designated classrooms. now, this sounds easy but it was a lot more stressful than i'm making it sound. anyone in design would agree

this was my wall: 

this semester, there were some complications. there was a football game on the Thursday of Block Review so we couldn't really park near the art buildings. many students (including me) came Wednesday night in order to set up & then came back on Thursday (if we could manage to get parking/get dropped off/etc.) after 4 pm, to see if we got in

luckily for me, i have a great friend, Kevin, that drove me to campus, helped me set up (as much as he could), & kept my stress levels down as much as he could. i stayed downtown overnight & in the morning, he took me back to campus just to check on my stuff (i was worried people would mess w it or something would fall before Block Review). then we spent the day away from campus to keep my mind from freaking out. 11 am was when the professors came to judge & they were finished around 4 pm. we came back to campus to 1. find out if we got accepted 2. take down all of our stuff

i was so anxious about whether or not i got into Block that i didn't even open my envelope. i spent my time taking all of my projects down & people kept coming in & asking if i got in or not but i kept saying "i haven't opened it yet." finally, after taking all of my stuff down, i ran into a group of students that also went up for block. they asked me again if i got in & told me to just rip off the band-aid & check. so i had one of them do it for me. & i found out that i had been accepted

the graphic design program at the University of Houston generally accepts 24 students a year. that's ideally 12 a semester & this semester (Fall 2018), 10 students- including me- were accepted. i was in disbelief that out of 30+ students, i was one of the ten that got in. but i am so excited to have been accepted alongside these amazingly talented graphic designers

so starting Fall 2019, i will be in the Graphic Design Block program 

october playlist

Girlie- Alexandra Savior

K.- Cigarettes After Sex

Finest Hour- Cash Cash ft. Abir

If You See Her- LANY

There's No Way- Lauv, Julia Michaels

Two Punks In Love- Bülow

When The Party's Over- Billie Eilish

Thick And Thin- LANY

This Is Halloween- The Citizens of Halloween (Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack)

Sally's Song- Amy Lee (Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack)

Middle Finger- Phoebe Ryan, Quinn XCII

Sucker Punch- Sigrid

Me- Laura Marano

Malibu Nights- LANY

Paris- Sabrina Carpenter

TNTT Fall Picnic 2018 | Doan Kito Vua Houston

Comparing yourself to others | Anna Akana

september playlist

Come Thru- Jeremy Zucker

Expectations- Magic!

Kid Wonder- Allie X

Sunflower- Shannon Purser

Drew Berrymore- Bryce Vine

Happier- Marshmello

Crush- Cigarettes After Sex

Don't Leave Me Alone- David Guetta ft. Anne-Marie

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby- Cigarettes After Sex

Pretty Girl- Clairo

You're Somebody Else- Flora Cash

Dear Insecurity- Gnash ft. Ben Abraham

In Your Absence- Senses Fail

Punk Rock Girl- P.M.O., Mike Squires

Not OK But It's OK- Lil Bo Weep

Sorry For Writing All The Songs About You- Clara Mae

downtown adventures ft. gfbfl

world suicide prevention day | we'll see you tomorrow

it's world suicide prevention day & i've blogged about it at least once before on my blog in previous years but there's never a day where this topic is not important

suicide is something that a lot of people find to be a hard topic to talk about but do you know what's even harder? wanting to commit suicide. the stigma around suicide & depression & mental illness creates a toxic & isolating environment which only makes things worse. talking about these feelings & being understanding or showing love back is how you change things. sometimes all you need is one person who understands that you feel the way that you feel & they show you love in return, in hopes that you will feel less of the bad feelings & more of the good

some days are easier than others, some days have more worth living for than others. some days you need to remind yourself of why you hold on, why you stick around

here are some of my reasons to stick around:

• my awesome little sister (who's one of my best friends)
• my loving mother (who always tries so hard for us)
• my strict father (who i know loves us a lot)
• my annoying brother (who i've been stuck w for all of his life)
• my best friends (who always make me feel special)
• my TN kids that i teach every week (who make me laugh)
• pretty colors in the sky
• sunflowers on the side of the road
• books that suck me out of my head & into their stories
• music that basically puts my feelings into words
• to spread love & positivity so that people don't have to feel the way i do

i hope that all of you have your own little list of things that get you through your bad days bc the world would suck if you were not in it. with that being said, "we'll see you tomorrow" (TWLOHA)

Sept. 2- Sept. 8 | Week Vlog.

Trey & Alyssa | HOW I PLANNED MY BOYFRIENDS BIRTHDAY (vlog/diy)

guys i will never not crey at how cute they are